thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
