She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
