What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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