I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
