Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
