A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
