for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
