so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
