So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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