So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
