i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
