I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
