i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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