Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
