Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i came on her dog
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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