I CAN MOONWALK!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
