Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
