but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
