my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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