WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize