you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
