He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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