dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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