Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to align my fucking chakras
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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