My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
