The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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