if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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