hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
