I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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