it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
