I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
