Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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