I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
