Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
