I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
