If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You are the jesus of drinking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
