One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
