I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
