Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
