Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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