I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize