My room smells like vodka and shame
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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