i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How does one acquire holy water?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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