I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
