mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
