I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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