Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
