Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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