I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize