Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
