Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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