not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
