Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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