dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
