well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
