I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize