"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
