I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
time to smoke my breakfast
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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