HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
