i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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