Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
