just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PS: I just woke up from my shower
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
