The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
